Starting anew is difficult.  I’ve heard mention of things like bravery and courage.  The truth is, it really just takes effort.  You have to get up and do it.  I suppose there is some element of courage involved in having to prove oneself all over again; to learn new systems and try not to look like a fool. But looking like a fool has never really frightened me.  Granted, in some situations I will do absolutely everything possible in order not to look like a fool.  But let’s face it, if you are like me, and hopefully you are not, that’s usually unavoidable. Embrace foolishness.  Once you are out there, it really doesn’t hurt that much, and you get used to it.  If we look back in hindsight, I think most of us realize that much of what we do is foolish anyhow.

How often have you heard people say they can’t stand hearing themselves on recordings or watching themselves on video? They say “that’s not what I sound like…” and usually all I can think is, actually, that’s exactly what you sound like.  But that somehow seems mean.  Like saying, “you think you’re a dork, and actually, you are.”  I think, however, that watching yourself on video in an authentic situation (rather than scripted or contrived) is the ultimate in reflection.

Last school year, I asked my co-teacher to video tape me while I taught a writing lesson.  The point was to reflect on myself as an instructor.  My first reaction to the video was the typical, “that ain’t me…” kind of thinking.  So I watched it carefully and with intent.  At first I didn’t like the guy I saw teaching the lesson.  He seemed…stiff, and kind of mean. His voice was annoying and he was out of shape.  I didn’t think I’d like hanging out with that guy.   Then I watched the students watching him.  They were engaged in the lesson. That was good.  They were listening to what he had to say… also good.  It appeared as though they liked the guy talking.  I heard laughter at the right moments, and saw smiles. So, I embraced that guy.  I accepted that he is the way I am.  Then I used that knowledge to reflect on how to make him more the way I want to be.  I don’t know if I have had any affect on him because I haven’t video taped him, or…myself, since then.  The point is, I think, that if you know what you are “like,” then you don’t worry that much about looking like a fool.  You just know it to be the way it is.

What does that have to do with starting anew?  Well, not much, other than the ability to suppress the urge to avoid looking like a fool.  It has a lot to do with being honest with oneself, which for some reason is something  a lot of people struggle with. Starting anew gives one the opportunity to think about that person in the video, and make him more like the you in your head, without anyone asking if you are feeling ok.  That, or you could do what I did…just embrace looking like a fool.